Dissecting loneliness

The wise man looked at me and asked “Whats wrong? You looked worried.”.

Like a guilty prisoner, I looked at him with a feeling of embarrassment as if I committed a crime. He looked at me assuringly as if he was saying, “Tell me what is on your mind. It’s okay”.

“I dont know why I am feeling so lonely and depressed these days. I feel as if the world is moving away from me and it conspires to make to alone. I always felt that craving for the company of the people is a weakness. If I am not comfortable spending time with myself, something must be wrong with me.”

“Go on. Continue”, said the wise man with a smile on his face.

“All my friends have moved on with their lives and I feel they do not need me anymore, they have more important things to attend. Why am I not able to break my dependency on them? I feel that I should talk to someone, share my thoughts, problems, discuss. But no one has time. I am feeling sorry for my self for bringing this upon to me. I am hating myself all the more because I feel that this is self-pity.”

“Most of my friends now take me for granted. They call me only when they need help from me. I cannot blame them, they are busy with their own life. How should I break this dependency? I want to be ok with my friends forgetting me, my friends me for taking granted. But it is bothering me, making me feel sad. I am afraid that I will go into depression at this rate.”

The wise man started speaking.

“I think it is more complicated than it seems. You need to slowly unravel all the complex threads that have entangled your mind. The pieces of a jigsaw make sense only if they are arranged properly.”

“The main issue behind all this is “self acceptance”. You are at the cross-roads of your life, where you are waiting to succeed. There is anxiety about failure, doubts about your capabilities and skeptic about the choices you made in life. This is where the people around you help you in boosting your morale. When you feel down because something went wrong in life, a conversation with a friend helps. When you are sad, the mind paints a very gloomy picture of life which is biased, disregarding the other possibilities. When one thing went wrong, it affects you and you feel that everything will eventually go wrong. A neutral person like your friend, family member can help you in putting things in perspective. So in that way, there is nothing wrong in wishing that you should be in company of people.”

“But the problem is when you get depressed in case no one is there to support you. And this is because there is some conflict in accepting yourself as you are at subconscious level. You want a second person to assure you that you are doing fine. And when you are expecting such a company, instead of giving you support, your friend ignores you. So that is double impact, you yourself feel that you are worthless and the act of ignoring by your friend confirms it.”

“This is a very sorry situation to be in. And the only way to come out of this is to accept yourself as you are. Firstly, you should have confidence on yourself, you do not need a second person to assure that you are doing ok.”

“Secondly, you should not be afraid of failure as if that is the end of the world. It is not a sin to lose sometimes. Once becomes clear to you, you do not get anxious about failure.”

“Thirdly, do not become so carried away thinking about your image in the eyes of others. If you fail, it does not mean that they are going to ostracize you or look down upon you. More than the failure, it is the fear of being not acceptable by your friends and family because of family that concerns you. When you see one of your friends fail in achieving something, do you make fun of him or support him. And why do you think that others behave any differently from you?”

“And you cannot control others. So how your friends treat you once they move on with their life, its their choice. Does it make sense to get affected by something which is beyond your control? Though this might sound pessimistic, expect nothing from others. When there is no expectation, there is no botheration about who did what. It does not mean that you should become misanthrope and start become completely isolated from others or always mistrust others. Accept others as they are, if they take you for granted, they will, thats their nature. And do not expect them to do things any differently than what they are doing currently. Then you do not expect anything extra-ordinary from them. Then even a small gesture from others, makes you happy.”

“Be sincere in what you are doing. Have confidence in yourself. Hardships are like shadows. If there is a shadow, it means that there is light somewhere and soon you will see it.”

The sun has set already and the darkness descended. I started groping in the dark in search of the torch light.


~ by loginlogout on December 10, 2009.

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